You might be gay if...

You might be gay if...

• You think a gay scout master is going to turn your son gay.
• You think allowing your daughter to visit her friend and her "two moms" will turn her into a lesbian.
• You think the gay guy at your gym is going to hit on you.
• You think that allowing gay people to marry will "destroy the fabric of society."

You see, while I have some gay friends and relatives, and I love them all, I could never, ever imagine myself having a gay sexual encounter. Not that I think there is anything wrong with it, I just physically can't imagine it. It's easier for me to imaging jamming a pen in my eye. Those I know who play for the other team have told me that they feel pretty much the same way about having heterosexual relations.

So, when I talk to narrow-minded homophobes who are afraid that gay people will influence their children, or somehow destabilize their comfortable little reality, I can't help but think they can imagine being "turned gay." And if so, I figure they already are and they just haven't accepted it yet.

Get over it! Your friends will still love you and if not, they're not your friends.

Most of all, stop trying to limit the rights of those who have accepted who they are.

New York finally figured it out. How about you?


*Thanks (or apologies) to Jeff Foxworthy

The "failed" stimulus?

That's what the Republicans call it. They said the same thing about FDR's stimulus initiatives during the Great Depression. They say it was our involvement in WWII that got us out of the depression. And with that statement, they have strangled themselves with their own twisted logic.

What is a stimulus? It's an infusion of cash into the economy. Supporting our involvement in WWII was the reason for infusing a huge amount of cash into the economy in addition to what was added to fund the various work programs and infrastructure projects. This proves that if FDR's oringinal "stimulus" didn't work, as the Republicans claim, it is because it was too small. The same logic applies today. While it is inaccurate to say that Obama's stimulus failed, history tells us that it would have had a much greater positive impact if it was larger.

But this morning on the news, I heard a pundit say that Obama's in a bad position right now because he can't do another stimulus. They failed to mention that the only reason he can't is because the Republicans won't let him. They made sure the original stimulus was too small to be sufficient. Why would they add to it now?

All this is just another tactic in their battle to defeat Obama in 2012. But there is collateral damage: jobs for the middle class. And that's OK, because the Republicans can twist logic even further to blame Obama for that, too. Mission accomplished.

Capitalism in the USA...

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to fish and you feed him for life. Make sure you own the rights to all the fishing holes and build a monopoly of bait and tackle shops and he will pay for your six vacation homes, gold-plated toilet bowl and private jet. Oh, and send a generous contribution to your republican candidate who, if elected will make sure any antitrust regulations are ignored or made toothless, and you're set for life.

On second thought, screw the guy who just spent his hard earned money to learn how to fish. You can increase your profit margin if you just sell him fish you buy overseas, where they cost you next to nothing.

"Sexting" is nothing new

Before we get too indignant about the recent wave of embarrassing congressional "sexting" scandals, I think it is important to put things in perspective. Congressman Weiner and that other guy from western New York who resigned after someone found a bare-chested pic on line are simply carrying on a long tradition of participating in risqué communique with political groupies. Let's look at the historic record.

The father of our country was not only a great patriot, he was also cut! You don't survive a winter in Valley Forge without shedding a few unsightly pounds. Add a few crunches in the morning before reveille and you've got the makings of an excellent body building program. The records show that General Washington slept in a bed in a house in a town in pretty much every one of the thirteen colonies. There are plenty of roadside placards to substantiate my claim. During those colonial one-night stands, the General cultivated quite a following. They called themselves "Washington's Minute maidens." It has never been documented what the significance of the "minute" reference was. General Washington would simply grin when asked. Recently, during the restoration process, a letter was found tucked between the canvas and frame of the painting shown on the right. It reads,

I hope u had an xelent nite.
I no I did. Wen nxt in town,
we shall resume r heated discussion.
Yrs, G.  

I know some of my readers may doubt the validity of  my claim, but all you need to do is go to Wikipedia and look it up— just give me 15 minutes to get there first.

See the USA... for FREE!!!

What a great way to see the country! Start a Political Action Committee (PAC) and use the contributions to take your family on a road trip! From what I can tell, it's perfectly legal! All you need to do is make sure it's an "unconnected PAC," just like Sarah Palin's. According to FireDogLake, while it is still a PAC, it is not associated with a campaign and does not have the same restrictions on what it can spend money on. Lousy timing. It could have been a great gig for an old Dead Head!

Tax cuts = jobs? Sez who???

We've all heard the Republican mantra: "You can't raise taxes on the very people who are creating jobs in America— the small businesses!"

Let's put on our CTGs (critical thinking glasses). First, let's look at the numbers.

US unemployment rate

1995	5.6	1999	4.2	2003	6.0	2007	4.6
1996	5.4	2000	4.0	2004	5.5	2008	5.8
1997	4.9	2001	4.7	2005	5.1	2009	9.3
1998	4.5	2002	5.8	2006	4.6	2010	9.6

US Bureau of Labor Statistics

Notice how the unemployment rate rose by 1.1% the same year that the Bush Tax Cuts took effect. Notice how they haven't come down much since. I know. The Republicans will blame that on 9/11, the assault on the traditional family, or gun control, but the numbers don't lie.

You may be surprised to learn that the Small Business Administration defines small businesses as those making annual receipts anywhere from a few thousand dollars to over $35 million in some industries and hiring from a few to 1500 employees.

So, let's talk to a "small business man." From 1996 through 2008, I co-owned a small business. We never broke a million dollars in sales, and in our best year, we had two full-time employees. We were incorporated as an "s-corp," which among other things meant we were responsible to pay personal income taxes on the company's profits. 

My business partner and I got into the habit of having our accountant project our tax liability each year in November. Then, we would spend like crazy so that by the end of the year, we wouldn't have as much of a profit on which to be taxed. We invested that money in equipment, software, marketing, and when we could justify it, we invested it in people.

Bottom line? If the choice is paying company profits to the government or investing it in the company, I think most business owners would choose the latter. Of course, when the Republicans offer a third choice— take the money and run, that's what will happen. So much for adding jobs.